Friday, 8 July 2016

Liberal forgets to greet nation on Eid; attempts suicide

A well-known liberal, Prakash Tambe, came under heavy criticism on Twitter from his fraternity after he forgot to greet the nation on the auspicious occasion of Eid al-Fitr.  Soon, things took an ugly turn and he noticed #BanPrakashTambe trending on Twitter.  Ashamed and aghast, Mr. Tambe decided to put an end to his life.

However, he made slight changes to his plan later and deactivated his Twitter account instead.

The incident happened yesterday when liberals across the country were celebrating Eid from their living rooms via Twitter.  But the ill-fated liberal, completely oblivious to the celebrations happening on the microblogging site, was watching a movie on television.  A 2015 calendar in his room did not help the cause either.

When the movie ended post midnight and he logged into Twitter, he was in for a shock.  His whole world came crashing down as he went through a plethora of Eid greetings on his timeline.  Crestfallen, he decided to kill himself and started searching the internet for a method to end his life, and was redirected to a YouTube page that read – ‘Himmatwala (full movie).’

As he muttered, “Adios world,” and played the video, a thought crossed his mind.  He realized his Twitter account was his only connection to the world and deactivating the account would be as good as being dead to everyone.  Hence, instead of dying a painful death, he deleted his Twitter account.

Speaking to The Unreal Times, he said, “Greeting everyone on the occasion of Eid is a usual custom, but for us, it’s a decree, it’s a task, it defines what we stand for.  We set an alarm and wait for this day, and as the alarm goes off, we slip in a unique message, different from the one posted the previous year.”

“I have been waiting for this day and I…I goofed up,” he broke down as he narrated the traumatic experience.

“It was like you wait for months for the World Cup final and when the match starts, the power goes off.  I cannot call myself a liberal anymore.  I am a sanghi.  Muslims across the world are discriminated because of people like me,” he let out a wail of anguish.

“Why don’t you just claim your account was hacked and you couldn’t access it?  I mean, we guys are pretty good at it,” we suggested.

But he seemed like a man of virtue and did not want to resort to lies.

“Ok then throw a feast for poor Muslim kids and redeem yourself,” we suggested another plan.

He sneered at us as he said, “You have grossly misconstrued our mission.  This is not how it’s done.”

“But instead of symbolic…”

Our interview remained incomplete as he gave us a stern look and stomped out of the room.

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