Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Azhar breaks down after watching the trailer of his biopic; accepts match fixing charges

Former Indian cricket team captain Mohammad Azharuddin has finally accepted the allegations of match fixing after he was subjected to a 2:39-minute trailer of his biopic ‘Azhar.’  He confessed that he had taken money to underplay in 1999 during the private screening of the trailer, which he misconstrued as a third degree interrogation employed by CBI to extract truth from him.

Earlier a buoyed Azhar informed media that he would clarify the match fixing allegations leveled against him through this movie and silence his critics before he headed to Balaji Motion Picture studio to catch the first look of the movie.

The entire production team seemed jubilant as they greeted him with a smile.  Anthony D’Souza, the director of the movie, looked at everyone with a self-assuring smile as he played the video amid thunderous applause.

Twenty five seconds into the video and a visibly disoriented Emraan Hashmi walks to the crease like a person who just survived a traumatic head injury.

“What is it?” a bewildered Azhar sought a clarification.

“Your biopic,” grins the entire team.

Everyone shifted their focus back to the video as Emraan Hashmi plays a lofted cover drive and a couple of flicks through the onside.

“Damn, is this how I used to play?  And all my life I was living under the impression that I was a good cricketer,” he covered his face with his palms.

“But I trained hard for four months to perfect your signature flick,” said Emraan Hashmi.

“If four months of training were enough to learn cricket, Chetaswar Pujara would’ve been playing DIlscoop by now,” his eyes darted towards the screen again where Emraan Hashmi indulges in a few intimate scenes, “Looks like you perfected things that are not remotely associated with cricket.  By the way, why is everyone talking like that?”

“That’s your Hyderabadi accent, bhai.”

“Oh, I thought it’s a newly invented language.”

“It’s going to be a cult classic,” pronounced the director.

“Only if it were classified under comedy,” Azhar retorts.

1 minutes 10 seconds and Emraan Hashmi dedicates an award to Sangeeta Bijlani during post match presentation and “Oye oye,’ song follows.

“Who are you?” Azhar looked at everyone nervously.

“Balaji Film Production.”

“Cut the crap Mr. K. Madhavan, you cannot hide behind a wig.  Why did you stoop so low to extract truth from me?  Kya bigara tha be humne tera?  Fine, I accept all charges but you don’t have any right to put me through this several years after the incident,”

“C’mon Azhar, that’s not what we are trying to prove.”

“You have proved enough.  Another 15 minutes and you would probably prove that I am a pornstar as well.  Now when I type my name on google, this guy pops up on the monitor,” he pointed towards Emraan Hashmi as he stomped out of the room, but Emraan Hashmi stopped him and invited him to watch the premier of the movie.

However, for strange reasons, Azhar grabbed Mr. Hashmi by the collar and choke slammed him before others intervened and escorted him outside.

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