Saturday, 9 January 2016

330 million Gods file lawsuits against various individuals for hurting religious sentiments

Anantapur court was abuzz with activities this morning as representatives of 330 million Gods appeared here to file lawsuits against individuals who took potshots at Gods on various platforms over the past few years.  Cases were filed against film makers, standup comedians, and a few manufacturing companies who used Gods’ images on the wrappers to sell their products.

It all started after the same court issued a non-bailable warrant against MS Dhoni, over his portrayal as Lord Vishnu, when they realized that there was justice somewhere in the world.

We spoke to a group of Gods outside the courtroom and they said, “See, you have to stand up to trolls otherwise they will keep attacking you.”

“But if you don’t react, they would eventually stop trolling and go silent,” we said.

“Yeah, that’s what even Dr. Manmohan Singh thought and see who has actually gone silent,” they giggled as they continued, “Anyway, these filmmakers had initially made mythological movies and spread a lot of misinformation about us like we need offerings and blah.  I mean, what is it with offering flowers at the temples?  What are we supposed to do with flowers?”

“Then they made movies, questioning our existence.  Can someone tell me why Amitabh Bachchan delivered that monologue in Dewaar?  One person spoke for and against the motion and then went home victoriously after winning an argument that no one else took part in.”

“And then they crossed all limits and started ridiculing us in movies.  They showed that we get scared when we visit earth and see your so-called urban life.  Bloody ignorant baboons, we had technology even before you came into existence.”

“And those product wrappers?” another God interjected.

“Yes, first they told everyone that we like agarbattis, then they put our photographs on the packets to support their statement, then they sold those agarbattis and made money.  And all we got was smoke in our eyes.”

“We did not know how to counter these malicious acts.  We occasionally used earthquakes and thunderstorms to remind you that you needed to be more respectful to us.  But instead of getting the hints, you started doing research to find out the causes of those calamities, completely disregarding our presence.

“Finally, we read about this court case against Dhoni on Times of Ind…I mean, we learned using our special powers that this court has issues a non-bailable warrant against Dhoni, and that’s when we decided to handle the issue legally.  Now we are going to teach you guys some lessons,” a vengeful smile descended on their faces as they collectively clenched their fists, reminiscent of the posture Shanthakumaran Sreesanth assumed during an IPL match against Mumbai before he was slapped.

Meanwhile, Photoshop is planning to introduce a feature, after Dhoni’s case, that would prevent users from morphing Gods’ photographs, and would display an error message – ‘Read only file.  Cannot be modified,’ when someone tries to edit an image of God.

Also published here

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